The elusive "perfect temperature" of milk

Does anyone know the perfect temperature for a glass of milk?  Enzo is a milk addict.  He can't sleep without a glass of milk, needs another one if he wakes up in the middle of the night, wants one (along with his "speshul bwankie") anytime he's sad, and of course, it has to be warmed up.  So I've warmed up  more cups of milk than I can possibly count - you'd think I'd have the perfect temperature down by now.  Actually, I used to have it figured out.  One cup of milk, 30 seconds in the microwave, happy child.  But recently, 30 seconds has begun to be not enough.  And not just "not warm enough" but "bring on the tears -I can't believe you did this to me - not warm enough".  So it's back to the microwave for another 10 seconds to get it just right.  And for a while, another 10 seconds was acceptable.  But last night that elusive "perfect temperature" was the cause of a civil war.

Well, I guess you can't say it was the cause of the war - the war had been going all day, and all night.  So when that warm glass of milk just wasn't warm enough - and then it was too hot, and then it was still not right and I refused to make another attempt, it was like dropping a nuclear bomb.

My whole point is, I just don't know what the perfect temperature is for that cup of milk.  And more importantly, what really eludes me us the perfect way to handle my increasingly terrible two year old.  What to do with him and how to handle him is like that glass of milk.  What has worked for a while no longer works anymore.  And some of my recent attempts have worked for a few hours or days, and then they are no longer acceptable either.  And in the midst of the tantrum of all tantrums, nothing was right.  And I just don't know what to do anymore.  Raising this two year old, at this exact point in his life, has got to be the hardest thing I have ever done.

James says it's just the age - and I know it is.  They don't call it the terrible two's for nothing.  And I know that he just recently lost his only child status.  And he just got back from Disneyland.  And he has recently - and may still be - sick with who knows what, so he probably doesn't feel well.  But I swear, I don't think the extremity of his behavior is normal.  He's acting like children on Super Nanny - the ones who throw gigantic fits and the nanny has to come in and show the parents how to parent.  And the thought that I need Super Nanny is like a kick in the gut.  I always looked at those people, and the kids throwing tantrums in the store where the parents give them what they want to shut them up, and thought to myself - come on, buck up and be the parent and your kid won't act like that.  Basically, I always thought that terrible behavior in kids was a cause of terrible parenting.  So the fact that my child is one of those kids has me quite worried at myself.  But I just don't know what else to do - I check out parenting books by the dozen.  And I swear that most of the things they advocate, I already do.  And I readily try the new ones that I'm not familiar with.  And nothing is working.

For the sake of my sanity, I need to know if my child is normal -if these tantrums from you know where that last all night long happen to anyone else, or if there is something really wrong with my child - and my parenting skills.  So if anything I describe sounds familiar to you, please let me know.  Let me give you an idea of what I'm talking about.

Last night's tantrum started when it was time to go to bed, although it was just a 3rd time repeat of what had happened with me during the day.  And I swear, it all revolves around that dumb cup of milk.  Basically, when Enzo has to do something he doesn't want to, or his milk isn't just the right temperature, he flips out.  He goes straight from calm to devil child, screaming, hitting, kicking and throwing things.  All of that, continuous screaming and yelling, throwing things, hitting or kicking if you get too close, hitting himself when he's unable to hit you, lasted for nearly two hours at bed time, until he cried himself to sleep.  When his milk isn't the right temperature, he throws it.  And then screams at me or James to pick it up and give it back to him.  And heaven forbid we take that milk away, you'd think he was going to hyperventilate.  All efforts at calming or comforting him just make him angrier.  We try to ask him what's wrong, what he wants, but all he does is scream.  So we tell him we are going to leave if he doesn't stop - and he keeps screaming (and hitting, and kicking, and slamming his head against the wall, and banging so hard on the door it sounds like he's busting through it.) And when we follow through like what I thought was a good parental thing to do, he really freaks out - and it all gets louder and more intense.

Yesterday, when he had his tantrums during the day, I did my best to just ignore him.  And both times, he cried himself to sleep in about 10 minutes.  So we started trying to ignore it last night.  But James just won't tolerate him banging against the door - and we honestly worry about him hurting himself - so we tried many other tactics besides ignoring it.  None of them worked - and the tantrum lasted two hours until he cried himself to sleep.  We finally got to bed at 11 last night - and Enzo woke up somewhere in the 1:00 hour and picked up right where he left off  - screaming.  Another hour of this till he fell asleep again, and then he woke up again in the 3:00 hour.  That time, he came crying into our room and when we patiently and nicely asked what was wrong, he immediately started screaming again.  When James picked him up and tried to talk to him, he said, "I want to hit you." Of course, he followed through on his threat and James followed through on the consequence - he took him out to the car and strapped him in his car seat, which is the only place we could think of where he couldn't throw things, couldn't hurt himself.  He screamed in the car for an hour, until he finally broke down crying, and James brought him back to bed where he fell asleep calmly and quietly.  Of course, I didn't sleep during that hour.  I worried and stressed about what was wrong and what I was doing wrong, and what can we possibly do to fix it.

3 hours later, I did get a little sleep, but I still don't have any answers.  Enzo is crying in his bed again, and when I went in and asked in the most concerned, loving voice I could, "Enzo, I thought I heard you crying.  What's wrong, what can I do for you?" He screamed, "No, Mommy!  LEAVE!"   I don't know what is wrong with my child.  I don't know what I am doing wrong as a parent, and I have no idea where else to go to find out.  And I have a deep fear - and it's my biggest worry - that somehow how I am handling him will screw him up for life.  (I think I might need to stop reading those parenting books, since they are as quick to point out the wrong way, and the lifelong consequences of it, as they are to point out the right way.) So any advice - or sympathy - or just someone to tell me that maybe, perhaps, my child and I might be a little normal, would be appreciated.  And of course, if anyone knows that elusive "perfect temperature" for that cup of milk, please let me know.